The Humans

The Humans
by Matt Haig
Published July, 2013

"I know that some of you reading this are convinced that humans are a myth, but I am here to state that they do actually exist. For those that don't know, a human is a real bipedal life form of midrange intelligence, living a largely deluded existence on a small waterlogged planet in a very lonely corner of the universe". So begins Matt Haig's The Humans, a fabulous study of humankind as seen through the eyes of an (initially underwhelmed) extraterrestrial visitor.

One night, Cambridge mathematics professor Andrew Martin solves the Riemann hypothesis (this is apparently an actual mathematical thing), thus discovering the secret behind prime numbers, a very large step towards understanding all of the secrets of the universe. Concerned that humans are far too primitive and violent to be trusted with such knowledge, the advanced extraterrestrial Vonnadorian civilisation sends an agent to Earth. The Vonnadorian agent's mission: to murder the unfortunate Professor Martin, take possession of his body and assassinate anyone who might happen to know about his mathematical breakthrough.

I think this is a mathematician joke. The book is significantly funnier than this.

Despite the Vonnadorians' highly advanced understanding of technology, something goes a wee bit wrong along the way and the would-be assassin arrives on Earth not in the secluded university office he'd expected, but rather in the middle of a busy motorway, stark naked. Disoriented, uncomfortable and extremely confused, the new "Andrew Martin" promptly gets himself arrested and then sent to a psych ward (but not before he discovers some important truths about human life, like "running without clothes is not entirely compatible with external testicles"). A public indecency arrest is just the start as the narrator settles in to life as Andrew Martin, eventually finding himself quite at home amongst humans.

The Humans is funny. It's genuinely, quietly amusing throughout and sprinkled with the odd laugh-out-loud-in-public moment; clever and witty and observational like Douglas Adams on a good day. Matt Haig uses the unusual perspective of his alien narrator fabulously well to show us some uncomfortably amusing truths about ourselves : "Magazines are very popular, despite no human ever feeling better for having read them. Indeed, their chief purpose is to generate a sense of inferiority in the reader that consequently leads to them needing to buy something, which they do, and then they feel even worse, and so need to buy another magazine to see what they can buy next. It is an eternal and unhappy spiral that goes by the name of capitalism and it is really quite popular."
It's amusing and it's entertaining and it's interesting enough to catch you up in the story very quickly, but then before you know it, The Humans has become something more than just a humorous take on human irrationality.
Quite honestly, I'm finding it hard to put into words just how much this book affected me. If it was just a well-written, funny book then that would be enough for me to happily recommend it. But it's not just funny; it's startling and confronting and absolutely beautiful. Much as it pains me to say this, it's inspirational.

Inspiring, like a kitten poster.

I do not enjoy self-help books. I don't think I will ever voluntarily read something from the "Inspirational" section of the bookstore. This book, though - this is self-help for people like me. Any time I'm feeling less than positive, I will re-read this book to remind myself that life is fantastic and humanity is a beautiful thing and (in the words of the narrator) "Failure is a trick of the light".
At one point in the book, the narrator writes a letter, made up of 97 points of advice for humans; any one of these could well go onto a kitten poster, but somehow the context of this list means that this comes across not as trite or sentimental but instead as honest and heartfelt.

I loved this book. I cannot stop thinking about this book. It's a celebration of everything that's wonderful about being a human; it may just be exactly what you need to feel a little more positive about the current state of the world and the future of humans. After all, "Technology won't save humankind. Humans will.". It's a nice thought.